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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Concerns About Moving

Before we knew we were moving, Brent and I were very excited about the possibility. There were no feelings other than excitement and anticipation. We have ALWAYS said that we didn't want to raise our children in the metroplex. There is just too much here. Too much crime. Too much drug use. Too much fast-paced life. And especially, too much illusion of affluence.

I know that those things are present anywhere you go. I just don't think that there is such a saturation of it in other places. And I want to live somewhere that we can see what life is really like rather than mostly see the facade that is typical in North Texas.

We both grew up in towns of 80-100 thousand people, and thought that would be the perfect size town in which to raise a family. And we really did think that we would end up somewhere like Waco or Temple. Much closer to all of our family members. Much smaller in size. Having much more realistic expectations of life.

And we are moving somewhere much smaller. M-U-C-H smaller. And I am so glad. But as I stated the other day ...I am also nervous. But I can get over that. We are moving, we will meet people, and we will adapt to our new life.

What worries me most right now is the effect of all these changes on Samantha. In the long term, the benefit to her...and to Jacob...is huge. It is what we wanted for them...to be away from the big city. We will give up some possibilities of some activities by living in such a small town, but there are still many opportunities for them. And, honestly, the other opportunities can still be there. It would just take a great committment on our part to make those other things happen. Because I figure, that Waco would have an outlet for pretty much any activity the kids want to do...it's just a bit of a drive...but it could be done if necessary. I'm not worried about those things.

What I am worried about right now is completely uprooting Samantha from everything she knows other than her family. The only immediate benefit (granted it is a big one, though) I see for her is that I will be staying home with her. The other benefits will come in time.

But in the meantime, we are taking her away from her church and her Bible class...that she loves. We are taking her away from her babysitter...who she loves. We are taking her away from her friends...who she loves seeing every day. We are taking her away from the only house she has ever known as home, to live in a temporary apartment, and then we will change that on her as soon as we are able to buy a new home in our new town.

If I, as an adult, have trouble handling this much change, how will my sensitive, spirited, strong-willed two-year old handle it all?

And have I mentioned that Brent will be moving before the kids and I do? He will start his new job on May 10. And I will stay here at my current job until the beginning of June. The kids will stay with me and still go to Mrs Nancy's house every day. And they will have only me to play with them and take care of them each evening during the week. For five entire weeks. Daddy will be here each weekend, but will that be enough for our sweet little Daddy's girl?

I am seeing major temper tantrums coming. I hope I am wrong, but I doubt that I will be. And I won't be able to blame her at all. After all, her world is turning upside down. How is she supposed to understand that at all? And how do I help her to make sense of it? And how do I remain calm when I am ready to pull my hair out at the frustration of it all? How do I model what I want my children to see, when that isn't what I feel at all? No, that isn't how I feel right now...but I am sure those feelings will be coming, probably the day after Brent leaves. And how do I handle it all then?

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