Friday, May 15, 2009

So Big

Samantha went to the doctor yesterday for her 15 month shots. Yes, I know she is now 16 months (Can you believe she is 16 months?!!), but when she went for her 15 month appointment, she had a double ear infection and couldn't get her shots. So she got them yesterday.

If you will recall, her GI doctor started her on an appetite stimulant on April 3. When she saw her pediatrician on April 13, she had gone from 17lbs even to 17 lbs 13oz. In only 10 days! That is amazing for her. A good normal weight gain for her is more along the lines of .5 to 1 oz per week. So we were definitely wondering how her weight would check out a month later. She now weighs 19 lbs 5 oz! WOOHOO!!!! That's right, she gained exactly 1.5 lbs (or 24 oz) in one month. Dr. Ramirez was VERY happy, and so was Brent. He could hardly even wait until I got out of the car to tell me.

Along with the weight gain, she is growing in other ways as well. She is getting much closer to walking, and will stand in the middle of the floor dancing with no problem. One of these days I might even manage to have the camera out at the right time ot get a picture. She loves to push the walker toys all through the babysitter's house, going around obstacles and turning around quite easily. We decided that we will get one for our house so she can keep practicing at home. She still will only walk if you are holding both of her hands, though. I don't really get it. She will try to nose dive off the couch, but she won't try to walk holding only one hand. Sheesh!

Samantha has become even more independent and decisive. When we read books, she has to decide which one she wants to read or she will not stay to listen to the story. She definitely decides what she wants to eat at each meal, and she feeds herself soft foods like yogurt and pudding with her own spoon. She tries very hard with foods like scrambled eggs and macaroni, but not much ends up making it to her mouth that way. It certainly doesn't stop her from trying, though. She drinks exclusively from a straw cup during the day and won't have anything to do with her sippy cups. The only problem is that when she is very tired...right before bed, during the night, and when she first gets up in the morning...she will scream if we try to give her a straw cup or sippy cup, and she will push the cup away. Then she will keep screaming until we get a bottle for her to drink from, and as soon as she gets it she is happy. I know...she is too old for a bottle...but I also need to be sure that she drinks enough. So, for now, I give in and she gets to continue drinking from a bottle during the sleepy hours.

She still loves to sing and dance. And she is really fairly good at copying the tune of a song that she hears. She calls every person Dada, even me. I keep hoping that I will hear my name from her mouth, but so far, no dice. Oh well. She does most definitely know who I am and she does know my name, so, in time, I am sure she will eventually call me Mama. She only says about 4 words right now, Dada, cracker, thank you and uh-oh. I guess she is concentrating so much on learning to walk that she let the rest of her words drop for now. She understands plenty, though. And she signs please, more, milk and baby.

At times it's hard to believe that she is growing up so fast, and at other times, it seems like she has been part of our family for years. Time passes so strangely sometimes.

And finally, since I never got an Easter post done, I will leave you with a couple of pictures from Easter weekend.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Moving to Acceptance

Yesterday was a bit of a tough day...full of mixed emotions.

I had the first sonogram of this pregnancy and found out that we are having one baby. This baby is right on with its growth and the heart rate was perfect. That is the happy part. The sad part was that there was another baby transferred with this one. And the other baby is in heaven now.

My head knows this is the best. My head knows all the answers. It is very unlikely that I would have been able to carry twins to term. It would have been VERY hard to take care of newborn twins while taking care of an older baby under 2 years. In fact, it will be hard taking care of only one newborn and also taking care of Samantha. And I know that God is taking much better care of that baby (and all the others) than I ever could. And my head says that I will get to meet all of those babies in heaven someday. What a wonderful reunion that will be! But my heart says that I really wanted both of my babies here with me. And my heart can't understand why that shouldn't happen.

So I'm in a bit of a tough spot right now. It's strange to be both happy and sad at the same time. It's strange to be rejoicing and greiving at the same time. It's strange to be devastated and relieved at the same time. But that's where I am.

I find myself wondering why this is so much harder than it was when I found out that Samantha was the only baby to make it in that pregnancy. Perhaps it is because, with Samantha, my hcg levels were at the bare minimum to indicate a healthy pregnancy, so although I hoped for twins, I never REALLY thought I had twins. But this time, my numbers were more than double what they were with Samantha, so I really thought there was a chance of twins. But, whatever the reason, it is harder this time.

So until my heart catches up with my head and I come to true acceptance, you may see me crying for no apparent reason. I may tear up suddenly while talking to you. And now you know that there us a reason (besides pregnant hormones!)...and I may not be ready to talk about it. I will be OK. It will just take some time. So until my heart catches up with my head...please be patient with me.