Thursday, April 22, 2010


Life hasn’t always gone according to my plan. Scratch that. Life has rarely gone according to my plan. But most of the time, if I sit back and relax and wait, I end up enjoying the ride. At the very least, I learn something from it.

I married much later in life than I had planned. But my husband was definitely worth the wait. I am blessed by his being my partner. But even if I had never met him, and never married at all, I was also blessed by the time I had before him to grow and mature on my own.

We struggled with infertility for years. I was blessed to have friends who had faced similar struggles and who helped me through the cycle of grief, and hope, and anger, and despair and grief again, month after month. I was also blessed to have time with my husband, for us to have the time to do things together and enjoy each other’s company without a million other things distracting us every day.

I was blessed to have insurance that helped pay for the cost of in vitro so that we were finally able to have a baby girl in January 2008. I am blessed by her presence in my life every day. Even when I am ready to strangle her. Then I was blessed by the birth of our son in December 2009.

I am blessed to have a job. One in a field that gives me job stability and security when my husband’s field is neither.

There are blessings in my life every day. Sometimes I just forget to watch for them.

I whine about having to work and be away from my kids, and I forget that having the ability to work is a blessing and that having a job when many do not is also a blessing. I lose my patience with my daughter’s whining or her independent streak that says “Me do it!” And at that moment I forget to be thankful for the blessing of my children, for how happy they are and for the incredible lessons they teach me. I forget that my daughter’s exasperating ways are a sign of her independent spirit and her security in our love.

I whine about not having time to myself or to do fun things for myself, (I am typing this as I pump. Lately my pump time seems to be my writing time and my “me time” for the most part) but I forget to be grateful for the blessing of dishes to wash which means that we have food to eat, and clothes to wash which means that we have clothes to wear, and medical bills which mean that we have good medical care. I forget to be grateful that the things that ail my family are things that can be treated.

I whine about having to follow a strict diet for my son’s sake and forget to be grateful for the blessing of being able to breastfeed this baby. And I forget to be grateful for the fact that I live in a place where I (or actually my sweet husband) can find alternatives to the foods I have to give up.

So today, I am focusing on what I usually forget. I am thanking God for the trials and the blessings and the lessons. And I will try to remember that no matter what, whether I can see it or not, there will be a blessing in the journey.