Belonging

Samantha and I have been singing "Shoo Fly" lately. She loves that song and asks to sing it over and over and over. Part of the song says "For I belong to somebody."

That makes me a little sad sometimes when I think about it, because I don't really feel like that is true for me right now.

I find myself missing Dallas lately. Well, not really missing Dallas so much as missing my friends. For nearly 10 years, I saw these people at least once a week. I watched their children. They came to my home and I went to theirs. We saw each other through joy and sorrow, laughter and mourning. We held tightly to one another and cried as we couldn't make sense of the world. We knew when a hug meant more than words. When words were needed, we were usually able to find the right words to say. I could always count on someone being able to look at me and know when things weren't right, then help me feel better. We belonged to each other.

Now, since we don't have any neighbors within walking distance, and there is nowhere in town to go to hang out and meet people since the pool is closed for this year, it is definitely a challenge to meet people. But we have met a few and have started getting to know a few people.

It is slow going, but it is happening. I have started making some new friends and there is at least one person that I can count on being able to spend time with each week. But even the new friendships are just that. New.

Please don't get me wrong. We have met some wonderful people in our new town. There are quite a few people who go out of their way to include us. And I am so grateful for that.

But right now, we don't have any history. We can't look at each other and know that the other is having a bad day even when the other is trying to hide it. We haven't laughed and cried, mourned and rejoiced with one another. We don't know how to help things get better when something is wrong.

We will get there someday, but for right now, I miss the sense of belonging that I had with my friends in Dallas. I want to belong to somebody again.