Freedom and Familiarity

Since we live in the country and have a yard the size of a park, that I can see from the living room window, the door and the kitchen window, we gave Samantha the freedom of being able to play outside without us...provided that she stayed between our house and Charles and Ginger's house and did not go into the woods at all. For a long time...several months, she followed that rule exactly. The she got familiar with her freedom and the environment and she started pushing the limits. In late January, she went to the edge of the woods at the far end of the field near our house. She was nowhere close to where she was supposed to be...and I wonder what would have happened if I had not come out to check on her exactly when I did. Would she have gone into the woods alone? Would she have gotten lost? She was grounded for a week from being allowed to be outside alone. Then with the cold weather and other things going on, it was actually two weeks before I gave her the chance to follow the rules again.

She and I were playing on the trampoline on a Sunday afternoon and as we played, we talked about her needing to follow the rules and to stay safe while she is outside. She said all the right things. She told me where she is allowed to play when she is by herself. She told me that she is not allowed to go into the trees. She said that she has to stay in front of our house, and that she must be where I can see her. So while I went inside to get ready for us to leave for our small group, I let her stay on the porch and play.

I came back out 5 minutes later and could not see her. I called her and she did not answer. I called louder. Still no answer. I yelled as loud as I could...and heard only silence. I walked to the end of the shop and looked at the field that she went to last time. I did not see her and I yelled her name. Nothing.

I began to get worried. I went back into the house and looked to see if she had come in while my back was turned. She was not there. I went back outside and felt myself starting to panic. I started to run to look for her and as I got around the back of our house, I saw her. Running along the back of the house, on the edge of a fairly steep slope that goes down into the woods.



I called her name, all three names, actually, and she turned around and immediately said "I'm sorry for hiding from you, Mommy," as she started walking toward me. I scooped her up and started scolding her. I told her that it is dangerous for her to be where I can't see her and that it is dangerous for her to go into the woods by herself because she could get lost and we wouldn't be able to find her.

By this time, we had reached the front of the house and Brent had come outside, too. I gave Samantha to him and told him that I couldn't deal with it right now. I took Jacob from him and went inside to finish getting ready to go. As soon as the door closed, I burst into sobbing. That's me, calm during a crisis, but as soon as it is over, I lose it.

Brent stayed outside with Samantha and talked to her for a long time about the dangers of going into the woods alone and of not staying in front of the house when she is alone. It did make a difference to her, because she had a nightmare that night about a snake biting her, but we learned later that it still wasn't enough to change her behavior.

She was grounded from being allowed to be outside by herself at all...until further notice. We told her that she will have to show that she can be trusted to follow directions.

So at the end of February, I decided to allow her a little freedom again, and to see if she would stay within the limits that were set. We were at Mom and Dad's office starting to work on the plans for our new house, and I let Samantha play outside alone. I got her tricycle out, told her that she had to stay on the road, and showed her the limits of where she could go on the road. Then I went back inside and watched her out the window.

Within 5 minutes, she went past her boundaries. I went outside and called her to come inside, and she ran away. Yes, she got in big trouble for that one. And she had to come back inside because she didn't follow the guideline we had set. She has not been allowed outside alone since then. Which really makes her unhappy, because she can no longer go outside while Jacob is taking a nap since I need to be inside to listen for him. She asks to go out and I tell her no, with a reminder that because she didn't follow the rules, I can't trust her to be outside alone right now. I tell her that she must show me that she can be trusted if she wants to earn this privilege back.

I have a hard time figuring out how to understand this behavior , how to handle this...how to train the defiance out of her. You see I am a rule follower. Even when I think the rule is ridiculous, even when I grumble about the rule, I follow it. Because it is, in fact, a rule and it completely goes against my nature to not follow a rule. Not because I am any "better" than anyone else, but because that is just how I am made. (I read once that about 25% of people are rule followers, the remaining 75% are those who push against the rules, so odds are, I will also be fighting this battle with Jacob in a few months to years.)

I thought some more and realized that she became familiar with the freedom she was given and lost respect for the boundaries that came with the freedom. She began to act as if her freedom was absolute.

As I think more about it, though, I realize that this is not only a problem for my child. Even with my rule following personality, I rebel against rules in my heart quite frequently...I just follow them outwardly. And really, is that much better?

I wonder if it always happens, that once a person is given freedoms, that person becomes familiar with those freedoms and then loses respect for them? We as a society have definitely done that our freedoms. For example, we have the privilege of voting for who will govern us, yet we willingly give away that freedom when we don't educate ourselves as to the candidates, and we don't even go to vote at all. We do not follow through with the responsibility that comes with the freedom.

As a Church we have freedom in Christ. But what do we do with it? We go to a congregation of other people who believe just like us. We socialize with people who believe just like us. We judge people who don't believe just like us. We don't get to know people who don't believe just like us because they will "probably be a negative influence." And we certainly don't form relationships with people who don't even believe in God, or who are angry with God, because those relationships might be "harmful" to us in our spiritual journey.

We usually neglect the responsibility we have to spread the good news of our freedom in Christ. We have become complacent in who and where we are and neglect the responsibility to grow, and love and share.

Those people who don't believe like us may have something to teach us. Those people who are angry with God may need to be shown his love. Those people who don't believe in him need to meet him, and they will only do that when they are shown who he is through being a part of the lives of believers. Not with expectations attached, but simply by being loved by Jesus followers just as Jesus would have loved them. And by seeing Jesus in action in our lives. We need to put ourselves in places where we can be used by God.

That is the responsibility that we are given along with the freedom of knowing that we will be with Jesus forever. When push comes to shove, are those of us who have had it easy going to throw away our freedom because we fail to follow through with our responsibility? Or will we suddenly rise to the occasion and find obedience and more freedom?

"Live as free men, but do not use your freedome as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king." 1 Peter 2:16-17

"But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does." James 1:25

"Speak and act as those hwo are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement!" James 2:12-13

Sneaky

Samantha has been driving me crazy lately. She has been SOOOOOO sneaky about all kinds of things. At first it was taking things off my nightstand or off Brent's nightstand, like chapstick or a flashlight or whatever else caught her eye. So I made our room off limits unless I am with her.

But in the last few days, the sneakiness has escalated dramatically, and for the most part, it now involves food. I could understand why she snuck into her room and hid with the bag of candy...I told her that she couldn't have it until after lunch, so she knew she wasn't supposed to be doing that. But why would she sneak her PB and J sandwich off the table while my back was turned and hide behind a chair to eat it? Not once, but twice! I told her that she could eat it, she just needed to be at the table. And even after that, she still snuck off with it.

I don't really think it is about the food at all...especially since we say yes to her anytime she wants to eat (she's too skinny and doesn't eat enough to not say yes to her wanting to eat!) So, since I don't think it's actually about the food, that must mean that it's completely about the sneakiness and secretiveness. And that worries me. Is this something that is just a normal 3 year old thing, or is this an indication of her personality? And how on earth do you train this out of a child?!

Potty Training Stinks!

Seriously. This is hard. Samnatha decided for us that we would start the potty training process. At about 18 months. I was not ready to begin, but she was, so we did. And we had quite a bit of success with her going pee-pee in the potty. Then she had one of her bainful BMs...while she was sitting on the potty. And she wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with the potty any more.

We started her on Miralax, and that worked wonders for her. But she still wouldn't have anything to do with the potty. So here we are a year and a half later. And she is even further from being potty trained than she was when we started working on it. How is that possible? Well, when we started, she WANTED to sit on the potty and got excited about going potty like a big girl. Now? Well, she refuses to even sit on the potty. She will even throw fits about it sometimes.

We tried giving her a reward. She wanted her nails painted, so I told her that if she kept her panties dry and used the potty, I would paint her fingernails and toenails that afternoon. She stayed dry all morning that day. But as soon as she had her nails painted, she refused to get on the potty again and only wanted a diaper back on.

I tried setting a timer and having her go to the potty every 20 minutes (30 was too long, she had wet panties at 30 minutes each time.) She screamed about sitting on the potty and when I tried to make her sit there, she arched her back and threw a fit...and as she was throwing her fit, she began to pee and it went all over the bathroom.

We talk about big kids using the potty. She has an Elmo potty book that she loves to read. She tells me that she wants star underpants like Elmo has. I told her that as soon as she goes one day without getting her diaper or panties wet that I will get a pair of star panties for her. She says never mind, she just wants to wear a diaper.

She complained about driving to Waco to buy diapers last week. I told her that if she would use the potty all the time, we wouldn't have to buy diapers as often. She said OK, we will just go to Waco and buy diapers.

A friend told me that I need to find her currency. She said that with her grandaughter, they gave her a Chucky Cheese token each time she went potty, and when she got to a certain number of tokens, she got to take a trip to Chucky Cheese to spend the tokens. Samantha has never been there, so she has no idea what that would mean. I have been seriously considering taking her there just to see if she would like it enough for that to work, though.

Then this weekend, she dropped her microphone on the floor and it broke. She said that we need to buy a new one. Daddy said no. I told her that she can earn money and save it until she has enough to buy a new one (it was only 99cents at Target...the best 99cent toy ever!...so it really is reasonable for her to be able to save that much money.)

Then I had a thought. Maybe I could pay her a nickel each time she has a dry diaper or panties AND uses the potty. Brent said that if I think it is a good idea, then we can do that. I'm guessing he doesn't really like the idea. And I'm not entirely sure that it is a good idea. The thought of paying her to go potty just doesn't seem right...but I can't think of anything else to do, and I know that this is something that she wants and may possibly try to work toward.

What do you think. Is this a good idea, or a bad one? What are your suggestions for potty training a VERY strong willed 3 year old?

Adventures in Parenting - Naptime Fiasco

I started writing this shortly after it happened, (IN OCTOBER!) but somehow never managed to actually finish until today. Unfortunately, even with my outline, some of the details managed to slip my mind by the time I finished, and, as a result, I don't think that you will get quite the full effect that you would have if I had written it all earlier.

It was just a normal Tuesday. The kids were both grouchy and needed a nap, so I put Samantha in her bed, nursed Jacob and then put him in his bed. It was about 2pm. Samantha was still awake, but she was laying down and was being quiet, so I thought she would fall asleep soon, and I didn't worry too much.

She started singing. Sometimes loudly, sometimes softly. That's fine, she does that regularly, and Jacob will often fall asleep to her singing without going into his crying mode before he falls asleep. When she got too loud, I went in and told her that she needed to be quiet and pretend to be asleep so that Jacob would go to sleep. By 2:20, I could hear that they were both still awake, but things were still quiet, so I let it go, hoping that they would finally fall asleep. I kept on working, doing laundry and dishes.

At 3pm, they still weren't asleep, and I heard what sounded like Samantha climbing in and out of Jacob's bed, so I went in to tell her that she had to come sleep on my bed now.

I opened the door and saw Samantha standing by Jacob's bed. Then I smelled the poop. Then I saw it. Smeared all over Jacob's mattress, the bars and railing of the crib and the floor. Yes, both children had explosively poopy diapers and by Samantha climbing in and out of the crib, there was poop smeared everywhere. In Jacob's hair, on his hands, on his blanket and stuffed animals and on his pacifier that was in his mouth. Ugh.

I fussed at Samantha for getting into Jacob's bed without asking and told her that she was going to have to help me clean up all the poop, because it wouldn't have gotten all over if she had stayed in her bed like she was supposed to. She was glad to help...excited even. Hmmm...that wasn't quite in the plan, but at least she was helping without too much of a fight.

I changed Samantha's diaper. I took Jacob out of his bed and changed his diaper. then I tried to keep him out of the way as Samantha and I worked on wiping the entire crib down with baby wipes. That was not easy. He was not happy and made sure that I was aware of that fact. He wanted to be with us and he wanted to be in the middle of what we were doing. And he kept pulling my hair in his attempts to crawl over or around me to get to what we were doing. Finally we got the visual signs of poop off the crib and I stripped the bed. Then I got out the clorox wipes and told Samantha to play with Jacob in the living room while I finished cleaning the bed.

She started throwing a temper tantrum yelling that she wanted to help me. I explained to her that she couldn't help because the cleaner I was using wasn't safe for kids. That didn't matter to her, though. She still wanted to help. I told her that she would be helping me by keeping Jacob away from the room while I cleaned. No dice with that one, either. She wanted to do the cleaning. Finally I just told her that I'm, sorry and even though she wants to help, she can't. So the temper tantrum went on and on the entire time I cleaned. And I had to stop cleaning and pick Jacob up and move him out of the room every few minutes. And of course, he had a temper tantrum every time I did so. Such fun times.

I finally finished cleaning the bed, decided that the carpet would have to wait and went off to the bathroom to bathe the kids and start a load of laundry. I bathed Jacob first, with Samantha continually trying to get in between me and the washtub he was in. She kept telling me that she was helping to wash Jacob or that he needed a toy. I did not tell her that she was just making my job harder and longer rather than helping, but I was sorely tempted to do so. Instead I just told her that Jacob didn't need any more toys and that I had to be the one to wash him to make sure we got all the poop off. She still kept trying to get over to him, but at least she wasn't throwing a temper tantrum.

After I got him out, and got his medicine and the Aquaphor all over him, and got his PJs on him (yes it was incredibly early, but I had high hopes of no more clothing changes for the day), it was Samantha's turn for a bath. I closed the door to their bedroom, after all, there was still poop all over the floor, and put him in the living room to play. He started crying as soon as I set him down. I walked back to the bathroom. And of course he followed me almost immediately.

I started running the water for Samantha's shower and she started screaming that she didn't want to take a shower or a bath. When I told her that she would have to anyway, she started screaming that she had to go potty, so I let her sit on the potty while the water got warm. She again started having a tantrum once the water was warm and I told her that it was time for her shower. I finally had to carry her into the shower and hold her in there while I tried to wash her off.

By this time Jacob had come into the bathroom and was trying to climb into the shower as well. I truly needed about 4 more arms at this point. After all, I was trying to hold Samantha in the shower while washing her hair and body and at the same time was attempting to keep Jacob from being able to climb into the shower. Oh how I would love to have a bathtub again!!! I'm sure anyone watching would have been laughing, though, because it probably looked like I was doing some weird kind of dance as I kept moving my lower body back and forth to stay between Jacob and the shower, and tried to keep my upper body in one place enough to wash Samantha.

The drama wasn't even over when I finished washing Samantha. I turned off the water and she kept on screaming no matter what I did. She was cold so I wrapped her in a towel. She had to go potty so I set her on the potty. She didn't want to go on the potty, she wanted a diaper, so I put a diaper on her. And still the screaming continued. I finally just tried to ignore the screaming and sat with her on the stool attempting to dry her hair while Jacob tried to climb my leg, crying because I wasn't holding him.

Finally, at 4:30, they were both clean and in their PJs. (yes it was very early, but I just didn't want to bother with changing their clothes again in a couple more hours.) I still needed to clean the carpet, but I knew that couldn't happen with them in the house, so I peeked over at Aunt Ginger's house, and thank goodness she was there! I decided to see if she would watch the kids long enough for me to clean the carpet. The only problem was that, for the first time ever, Samantha did not want to go see Aunt Ginger. So I had to carry both children, one on each hip, up the hill to Aunt Ginger's house. Thank goodness it isn't any farther than it is, or I might never have made it. My arms were very tired as it was!

Once we got there, I explained the situation to Ginger and she said that of course she would watch the kids while I cleaned the carpet. She even gave me some carpet cleaner since it occurred to me that mine was in a box somewhere, or possibly still in the house in Dallas.

I was really looking forward to Brent coming home soon, but it was at this point that I realized that today was Tuesday. That meant Brent was on his way to Waco already...he would NOT be home in a few minutes and I was still on my own. Sigh...

I went back home, rinsed out Jacob's bedding and stuffed animals in the sink, then scrubbed the sink, started a load of laundry, and cleaned the carpet. As I was cleaning, I realized that the fumes from the carpet cleaner were AWFUL! SO I turned off the air conditioner, opened the windows and set up a fan in the kids room to try to dry the carpet and air everything out.

I quickly realized that there was absolutely no way that I could bring the kids back to the house with the fumes so bad, so I made a sandwich for Samantha and gathered yogurt and applesauce for her and baby food for Jacob, then took everything to Ginger's house to feed them there.

We finished up with dinner and came back to our house at about 6:20. The fumes were still terrible in the kids room, but had mostly cleared out of the rest of the house. I realized that the kids were going to have to sleep in our room for the night. Yes, this was definitely going to be fun. Especially since neither kid had a nap that afternoon. Oh boy, oh boy!

I set up the pack-n-play for Jacob, and it was just in time, because he fell asleep at 6:45. I put him in the pack-n-play and he stayed asleep. For a while. Then he woke up, just as I was starting to get Samantha laying down on the couch. (I don't remember why I had her laying on the couch rather than on my bed, but I know there was actually a reason.) So Samantha was being wiggly and not wanting to lay still to sleep and Jacob was crying because he wanted to play now. After all, he had been sleeping for more than an hour before he woke up.

Once again, I had both kids protesting, quite vocally, my treatment of them. I was just about ready to pull my hair out when Brent made it home. Both kids were happy to see him, so the crying subsided...for a little while. Then we put Jacob back in the pack-n-play, put Samantha in the middle of our bed and Brent and I both laid down to try to go to sleep. It was pure craziness. It was after 10pm before we were finally all asleep and no one slept well that night.

It makes me wonder how families who have a family bed ever manage to get any sleep at all. It makes me grateful that my children have their own beds and usually sleep in their own beds. And I am also grateful that days like this don't happen very often.

Wanted: Discussion

A while back, the preacher from our church in Dallas was preparing for a series on parenting and recommended several books. One of those books was "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. I got that book and read it.

The main tenet of the book is that we should be molding our children's hearts rather than their actions, to follow God and not the world.

Overall, I think it is a really good book. As with anything, there are parts that I wholeheartedly agree with, and parts that I disagree with. But there are also parts that I am not sure whether I agree or disagree. I have been thinking about this on my own for nearly a month now, and I still am not sure what my final thinkng on the matter will be.

I am hoping that someone out there will have read this book and want to discuss it with me. Or that someone will decide to go read it...and once again, want to discuss it with me. There are quite a few people I know of reading this blog whose opinions I respect and would really like to hear. There are probably some people who I don't know of reading this blog who have some valuable input to give.

We could do this any way you want...read the whole book and then talk about what you think. Read a chapter or section at a time and discuss...whatever works for you...as long as you talk to me about this one. So what do you say? Are you ready for a discussion?

A Strong Willed Child...A Failed Parent?

Hmm...that title doesn't sound quite right. I don't mean that a parent is a failure because the child is strong willed. I know that is completely false. The strong will is just part of the child's personality...it is not a result of how the the child is parented.

What I wonder is: Do the parents of other strong willed children feel like failures in the parenting department on a regular basis? I know I do. All. The. Time.

There are so many times that I am just hanging onto control of my temper by a thin little thread. And then I wonder if it is even worth it to be doing this battle? Am I pushing too hard? Am I helping my child mold her will and to later learn to fit her will to God's? Or am I just frustrating and pushing and turning her away from loving and obeying? Does she even know that I love her when we have this battle of the wills going on? Does she care?

So many times, I want to just give in, give up, let it go. But when it is direct disobedience or disrespect, I know that I cannot let it go unaddressed. But then how far do you take the addressing of the matter?

Sometimes when we are finally done, I am close to tears. I am so frustrated. I just want to give up. I feel like I have failed because it takes so much to get her to the point of obedience. How can I possibly show her how to get there on her own?

Will we ever have a calm home without screaming and tears over something as simple as "put the book back on the shelf where it belongs"? Will a 1-2 minute time out ever be actually 1-2 minutes rather than dragging into 20 or 30 minutes because she will not go stand in time out? Is there something I am missing? Is there something different I should be doing or saying to stop this major clash of wills? Am I actually failing at parenting? Or is this just how the parents of all strong willed children feel?

Please tell me I am not alone. Please tell me I am not crazy. Please tell me that the many fun times we have are more memorable and mean more than the not fun discipline times. Please tell me I am not a terrible mother. Please.

Nightmares

All was quiet, all was right,
then a scream came in the night.

Nightmares nightmares make me run

Sleepy Momma, restless child,
what could make her act so wild?
Scary things come in her sleep
that's what makes her wail and weep.

Toys all over, toddler wiggling,
for me her bed simply is not comfy.
I fall asleep, backache begins.

So back to my bed, close my eyes,
then more dreams invade her sleep
and I hear screaming once again.

Nightmares, nightmares make me run.

Shush and sing and cuddle close,
try to keep bad dreams away.
Just when I think they are all gone,
she starts moaning once again.

Back to my bed one more time,
with the toddler almost asleep,
will sleep come back for me tonight?

Nightmares, nightmares are not fun.

Stuffy

My poor little guy has SUCH a stuffy nose. Which means that I must use these on him.
And he HATES it with a passion! Come to think of it, I don't much like having to use it on him. It's kind of funny, though. Before I was a mom, I thought that the scariest part of being a parent was the fact that I would have to use a nasal aspirator (aka booger sucker) on my child.

HA! I was in lala land, apparently! Either that or I was blissfully ignorant of all the challenges that would come from being a parent. Maybe both. And honestly, I had to use the silly thing on Samantha so many times before she even came home from the hospital, that there is no hesitation about using it at all any more. It's not even all that hard as long as you get the kid trapped in the right position so that said child can't move and get a bloody nose.

Anyway, there are much scarier things now. Like hoping that your child doesn't step on a rattlesnake in your own front yard. And I'm sure there will be a lot more to worry about in the future.

For now, I am grateful that I lost the fear of the aspirator and can use it to help my child breathe. I will be very glad when he is old enough for Vick's Vapo Rub and allergy medicine, though. And I will be even more grateful when he can blow his own nose rather than having me suction it for him.

Friday's Child - Not a Favorite in Sight

I'm not sure now, what I was thinking then. When Jacob was very young, he wanted NOTHING to do with a pacifier. But we worked to find one that he would take. What were we thinking? Were we crazy?! I mean seriously...we TRIED to get our baby to start taking a pacifier...PURPOSELY...knowing that we do not want a toddler with a paci, so in all likelihood, we would have to later wean said baby from his paci.

Samantha really liked her paci when she was a baby, but mostly when she was sleeping or sleepy. Jacob has been like that, too. Although, he will take it anytime he can get his hands on it, it's just that sleeping is the only time it's actually necessary.

Then when Samantha was about 9 months old, she chose Lambie and Blankie as her favorites...and left the pacifier behind, only needing lambie to go to sleep. Woohoo! That was easy and painless. We were very happy that we would not have to work to wean her from the paci.

I hoped that Jacob would do the same thing. But although he enjoys stuffed animals and will even snuggle with one as he sleeps, he does not seem anywhere close to choosing something as a favorite. And he certainly doesn't put them in his mouth as much as Samantha did. Come to think of it, I don't understand why, though. He puts EVERYTHING ELSE he can get his hands on into his mouth! I am completely serious. For example, a couple days ago, I went to get another piece of fuzz out of his mouth, and discovered that it wasn't a piece of fuzz. Nope, not fuzz. It was a daddy-longlegs. And then after I pulled it out of his mouth, I discovered it was alive. I know this because it very quickly scrambled away once it was free. Yeah...nice. That made me wonder, since a daddy-longlegs venom is so deadly (it really is, their mouths just aren't big enough to break human skin) does that mean it would be poisonous to eat?

Anyway...I digress...back to the pacifier dilemma.

So I was saying that Jacob hasn't chosen a favorite toy, blanket, whatever. Well, other than Samantha's Lambie, that is. And she CERTAINLY objects to that. She does not want him (or anyone other than Mommy or Daddy) to handle her Lambie at all. So I seriously doubt that she will give it up for that to be his favorite. Anyway, the point is, that he doesn't seem to have anything that is more important to him than his paci. And he is a week and a half from being 10 months.

I know that I don't need to worry too much about the paci quite yet. But at the same time, if we let it go too long, it really will be a battle getting him to give it up. So I'm wondering what I should do. I could find a lambie for Jacob (they do have one that isn't pink) and hope that he would like it as much as he likes Samantha's pink one. After all, maybe it is the rattle inside the stuffed animal that he likes so much. But then again, it could just be that he knows how attached Samantha is to Lambie so that is why he likes it, and the new one wouldn't make any difference.

I could just try going cold turkey with no pacifiers and see what happens. But that could backfire and we could have a lot less sleep going on.

Or I could just let things go for now and see where we are in a month or so. I just don't know what to do. Do you have any ideas to share? And if you know the answer to the daddy-longlegs question, please, enlighten me.

Adrenaline Rush

Because, while carrying my baby and leading my toddler yesterday afternoon, I came within two steps of stepping this, as it lay curled up on the ground near the birdfeeder.

All three of the pictures in this post are after Brent killed it.


This is the first snake of any kind that we have seen since moving to the country, and of course it would be a rattler. The good news is that Samantha has now seen a snake in real life, so she definitely knows what they look like now.

The bad news is that I barely saw it and kept from stepping on it. So how can I be sure that my daughter will be able to see them and stay away from them if we have any more?

My first thought after finding the snake was that Samantha will not be allowed to go outside without me any more. Then I continued thinking, and realized that even if I am walking with her, I cannot protect her from stepping on snakes. The only way I could do that is to carry her everywhere when we are outside. And that is NOT going to happen! So, in discussing it with Brent, we decided that we will just continue letting her outside as we have been doing so far. (Although we did have a talk with her about needing to be careful to watch where she walks.)

It hurts my heart to know that I cannot keep my baby girl safe. I know that this is only the first of many times that I will feel this way...we have SOO much more living and learning and letting go to do.

Pretty

Samantha loves to play dress up. So when I was looking for something in the storage building and saw the box that had dress up clothes in it, I decided to bring it home for her to play with. She was so excited! She put on the "ballerina dress" (everything that has a skirt or ruffles is a ballerina or princess dress, by the way) and the purple shoes and told me, "Look Mommy! I'm pretty!"

I told her "Yes, honey, you are. But you are always pretty. It doesn't matter what you are wearing." (I will start working on talking about being pretty by what is on the inside by being sweet and kind to others and obeying God before too much longer, but I haven't done that yet, so that didn't enter into the conversation.) But Samantha just kept telling me, "I have a ballerina dress, I'm pretty!"

It makes me sad that she has already absorbed this world lesson that she is pretty as a result of what she is wearing. I have no idea where she got it from. I hope that I am not the one who taught it to her, but I am afraid that I probably am. After all, where else would she have gotten it? I guess the good part of knowing this is that I also know to frequently reinforce the idea that she is pretty as a result of her actions and who she is, rather than what she wears.

Adventures in Parenting - A Lesson

Last night, Samantha was stalling about going to bed. Just like normal. So after she had been in bed for nearly an hour, she got out and came running to the bathroom where I was and told me that she had to go potty. She hasn't gone on the potty in at least a week, so this was great news. (Well, other than the fact that she only decided that she would use the potty in order to stay out of bed, that is.)

Anyway, I took her diaper off and threw it away since it was just wet enough for me to decide not to put it back on her. She did use the potty and then pulled her PJ pants back up for the walk to her room to get a diaper. I sent her to Daddy and told her to ask him to get her a clean diaper while I finished up in the bathroom.

I hear her ask him, I heard him talk to her about it, and she was back in her bed before I was finished in the bathroom. I went to bed, and eventually, Samantha fell asleep, too.

This morning, Samantha came into my room and asked if she could get into Jacob's bed. I told her that she could, as long as she did not put his paci in her mouth (which she has been doing quite frequently lately) She said ok and went running back to her room.

A little while later, she started crying, so I went to see what was wrong. She was stuck straddling the crib rail, so I lifted her down. And noticed that she was soaking wet! So I told her to take her PJ pants off while I got a clean diaper out for her. She did, and I discovered that she did not have a diaper on. Lovely! I asked her where her diaper was, because obviously, I don't want a used diaper just lying around my house, especially since my son is fascinated with putting EVERYTHING, even diapers, in his mouth. I also asked why she took her diaper off.

She didn't have an answer for me. Finally it occurred to me. Did she even have a diaper on at all last night? So I called Brent and asked. He told me that he checked her diaper and it wasn't wet. I told her that was not possible. That I had taken her diaper off and thrown it away and THEN she asked him for a clean diaper. He said that he felt through her pajama bottoms, didn't feel the squishiness of a wet diaper and sent her to bed. Wow...so my not-anywhere-close-to-potty-trained child slept all night in her bed WITHOUT a diaper.

I guess I better go so I can get all the laundry done. It is filling the bathroom as we speak. And while I'm at it, I better check everything in Jacob's bed, since she was in there, too. We definitely wont' have time to drive to Waco today...maybe tomorrow. Oh, that's perfect anyway, because tomorrow is the Just Between Friends sale there and maybe I can get some Christmas shopping done :)

Innocence

Samantha sings all the time. It makes me so happy to hear her sweet little voice singing. Today, on the way home from the grocery store, she was singing "Jacob, Jacob, oh so sweet. Jacob, Jacob, oh so sweet. Thank you God for Jacob." This was followed by a verse for Mommy, a verse for lambie, a verse for Daddy...and then she sang "Samantha, Samantha, oh so sweet. Thank you God for Samantha."

I smiled. And I thought, she doesn't know, she is too young...you don't sing something like that about yourself. And I caught myself being a little relieved that she wasn't singing that in front of someone else.

But why? Because you just don't do that? Well, why not? Because it's prideful? Yes I think that is what we would say. We should, instead be modest.

But in thinking about this more, I don't think it actually is prideful at all. Recognizing the good things about yourself and being thankful that God created you is not prideful. In fact, shouldn't we all be able to do that? To say...I am good at caring about other people (or whatever quality you have), thank you God for making me and for giving me this gift.

Rather than pride, isn't this actually recognition of God's creation and gifts to us and thankfulness for those very things? Maybe this is the root of the self-esteem problems that so many of our children have. They have been drilled out of recognizing anything good in themselves.

Maybe we should all pay a little more attention to the little children...and try to learn from them more often, rather than only trying to change them into what society finds appropriate.

I am now resolved to try to think about why I am correcting my daughter (and my son as he gets older) before I do so. Is it something that is not acceptable to most of our society? Why? Is it really something that needs to change? Or is it childlike innocence that should be encouraged and preserved?

Perfection

Here's a news flash for you...I am not perfect. And I had to tell Samantha that last night after I put her to bed.

You see, I lost patience with her after she kept talking in bed and woke her brother up and then kept talking and talking and talking. I yelled at her to not say another word.

Brent came in the room and took over with her as I tried to get Jacob back to sleep.

A little while later, I went back into her room, where she was still talking and singing, and told her that I owe her an apology. I said that I got too angry when she was talking and woke her brother up, but that I shouldn't have yelled at her. She nodded at me and said yes.

I said that even mommies make mistakes. She said yes. And then she added "But not Daddy." I grinned and told her that yes, Daddy makes mistakes, too. I added that no one is perfect except God, so everyone except God makes mistakes.

She said "Aunt Kassie and Benjin and Jesus, too." I grinned again and said that Aunt Kathy and Benjin also make mistakes, but that Jesus is perfect just like God, so he doesn't make mistakes. I said that since no one else is perfect and we all make mistakes, we have to ask for forgiveness when we mess up. She nodded.

I asked her to forgive me, and she gently touched my face and hair and said yes and smiled at me.

The End...The Beginning

I started this on Friday, which was my last day in the office. I didn't get much written, though, so I am sharing it with you today...on my last official day of work.

I am unofficially done at my job. My keys and badge are turned in, and I have clocked out for the last time. My office is cleaned of my personal belongings. I will not be going there again unless it is to visit. Today is my last official day of my job...tomorrow I will no longer be a Denton County employee.

I was surprised that when I signed my separation form several weeks ago, I got a bit teary. And then when I drove back from Denton last week, after turning in my keys and my badge, I flat out cried for a third of the drive. And when I went around my buidling saying goodbye to my co-workers I was crying even more.

I've said before that I just don't do well with change. That is still true. Even changes that I am looking forward to. It takes me a while to adjust. And I will miss seeing all those people that I have been working with for the last nine years. That's a long time...about a fourth of my life, actually.

This is the end. The end of hearing horror stories about things that happen that we deal with. The end of having those horror stories to share. The end of forcing myself to keep going when I am overwhelmed and need a vacation. The end of saying over and over that I am here to try to make a difference. The end of having a potentially huge impact that I have had just by the nature of working with so many kids and families. This is the end.

But it is also the beginning. The beginning of being the main influence in my own children's lives. The beginning of being with them every day and being the guardian of what they are exposed to. The beginning of being their teacher every day. (No I'm not talking about homeschooling, they are only 2.5 and 6 months!) The beginning of being able to share all of their discoveries and triumphs just by the nature of spending so much time with them. The beginning of being a mom the way I have always wanted to. At home with my children. This is a new beginning.

I Do It Me-self

No! Me!

Me do it!

No do myself!

No! I do it!

We hear these phrases around our house all. the. time.

While we are glad to have Samantha growing and developing and learning, constantly hearing these phrases can get quite tiring. Our baby girl is most definitely asserting her independence. And that sometimes gets very frustrating. Like the other day when she wanted to put a bow in her hair.

She would not let me touch the bow at all to show her how it works. So I got a different bow to show her how to squeeze the clip part to open it. I told her that I would not touch her hair or the other bow, she just needed to watch to see how to do it. First she wouldn't look at me. The she threw her bow to the other side of the room rather than take a chance on me touching it.

Finally, after tears became involved because she couldn't get the bow in her hair, she watched me show her how to squeeze the clip so that she could put it in her hair. Then she worked on squeezing it open herself. She did get it in. It was barely hanging on to a couple strands of hair and it was very askew, but it was in her hair and she was so proud of herself.

Listening to her say "Me do it!" can be very frustrating for me. I want to help her. I want her to ask for help. I want to show her the way to get it done and then let her do it after she sees. But she just wants to do it herself without any guidance from me. And I just shake my head and let her do it. Sometimes I am exasperated. Sometimes I am amused. And I sit there and think "If you would just pay attention. If you would just let me show you. It would be so much easier for you." But she doesn't realize that and she struggles on.

I wonder if God feels the same way about all of us. If he shakes His head at our independence and stand alone attitude. If he gets exasperated when we try to do things our own way for the ten thousandth time. When we don't understand that if we would do things His way, we would have a much easier time. We would get things done faster. We would get it done right. But He never forces us. But I still wonder if He just shakes his head at us. At least I know He loves us anyway. And for that, I am truly thankful.

Hurt Feelings

Maddie and Samantha apparently have a true sibling type relationship...even though they aren't related. They love each other one second and push each other's buttons the next.

Normally, Samantha tends to be the one in a bad mood in the morning. Particularly when I have to wake her up because she didn't wake up on her own. The other morning Maddie was the one in a bad mood.

While I was in the entry with Nancy, Samantha came running out, crying. I asked what was wrong and she told me that Maddie pushed her. I asked if she was hurt and she said no. So I started working with her on expressing her feelings with words rather than crying. I told her that rather than coming crying to me, she should ask Maddie to stop please because she doesn't want to be pushed. She said OK still with a little cry in her voice.

A few minutes later, Maddie came across the room from where she was rocking, pushed Samantha and then walked back to the rocking chair. All for no reason that I could discern.

Of course, Samantha started crying. She wasn't hurt. She just didn't want to be pushed. After crawling into my lap for some hugs and a reminder from me, she actually did do a good job of telling Maddie "You hurt mine feelings. Stop please." without too much whine in her voice.

Then a few seconds later while Maddie was sitting in time out, Samantha wanted to play with her...go figure. I am glad, though, that she forgives quickly.

And I hope that she is learning that it isn't fun when your friends are mean to you, so that perhaps she herself will be nicer to her friends all the time.

A teenager in a toddler's body

Last night, I decided that is who I have living in my house. Here's the story:

Brent's mom is here helping with painting and other things to get our house ready to sell. We got Samantha into bed and then I went into the bathroom. Samantha came to the gate in her doorway and started saying something to me...I don't remember what anymore and it doesn't really matter to the rest of the story.

I told her that I am in the bathroom and she needs to get back in bed. She said something else. Memaw told her that I was in the bathroom, she needed to get back in bed, and that I would come to her once I was out of the bathroom.

Samantha said either "You not talking me" or "I not talking me", I can't remember which. Either way, I was shocked. Surely I didn't hear what I thought I just heard. I asked her what she just said and she told me "I not talking her."

It's a good thing I was still in the bathroom, because it gave me a moment to take a breath and handle this calmly. Seriously...my TWO year old just told her Memaw that she isn't talking to her rather than obeying the instruction she was given?!

Where did she learn such sass and disrespect? To say I was shocked is putting it mildly. As soon as I got out of the bathroom, I went to Samantha's room and talked to her about this. I told her that she was very rude to Memaw. That she was disrespectful. That what she said was NOT good manners. I also told her that she must obey Memaw, just like she must obey Mommy and Daddy. I told her that she needed to apologize to Memaw.

She went over to Memaw and just squatted down in front of her. Then I realized she probably doesn't know what the word apologize means, so I told her to tell Memaw she is sorry. Which she did immediately without any more prodding. So I think she understands now that she cannot say things like that.

I wonder, though, did she realize what her words meant? She used them in context, so I tend to think so. But at the same time, did she intend to be disrespectful? Or was she just repeating something that she heard on TV? (man oh man, one of the things that I am MOST looking forward to about being home is to be able to know EXACTLY what she sees on TV...and to drastically reduce the amount she is allowed to watch.) Did she just think that by saying that she was telling Memaw that she wants her Mommy? Or did she really mean it disrespectfully?

I am SOOO hoping...but NOT holding my breath about it...that she was just repeating something she heard and didn't intend the disrespect. Because if she knew exactly what she was saying, we may have an even rockier and longer road ahead of us than I had previously imagined.

What do you think?

Has your child ever said something like that, at a much earlier age than you would have expected, and made you wonder if they knew what they were saying?

How would you handle it?

Samantha

So I took Samantha to the doctor on Monday. For her poison ivy that didn't seem to be getting much better. Turns out it wasn't poison ivy. She has hand, foot and mouth disease. And an ear infection. She hasn't run any fever at all. But the doctor did tell me to keep Samantha away from the baby. Hmmm...on Sunday, Samantha was holding him, hugging him, kissing him and she also stuck her hand so far into his mouth that he gagged. Does that count as staying away, I wonder?
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Samantha has started calling me different things other than Mommy. For quite a while, she has called me Mom once in a while. She's only 2. This is way to soon for her to call me Mom. I want to be Mommy for a very long time. And where did she pick up this mom stuff anyway? No one at our house or the babysitter's house says mom. Who knows. Then the other evening, she started calling me Mother. Seriously. And it just sounded so old coming from her. She is too young to call me anything but Mommy! But I didn't make a big deal out of it. Even though I wanted to. I just told her, "Yes, I am your mother."
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Do you remember Samantha and her mattress? This has continued to be an issue. On Monday night, she even scraped up her back when she did this. So last night, as I put her to bed, I told her that she must stay in bed, and that she must leave her mattress on the bed. She did not obey. I took the bed frame out of her room and put the mattress on the floor. She cried "Don't want little bed! Don't want mattress! Want big bed!" I told her I am sorry, but that she disobeyed, so she could not have her bed tonight. She could try again another night. She was VERY unhappy and kept on crying for quite a while. Hopefully she will have learned her lesson and will leave her mattress on the bed when she gets the bed back in the next night or so. But remember, I have a VERY strong-willed child. We'll see what happens.
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This is her "I'm DONE with pictures now!" pose.

Strong-willed

Yes, I definitely have one of those children. One of the ones who test your patience to the very end. One who can be so contrary that sometimes you just have to (secretly) smile at their inventiveness in being contrary.

I had planned to share pictures of Jacob's baby blessing with you today. But then this happened.

You see, Samantha didn't take a nap this afternoon. So I decided that she would go to be earlier than normal. She was in bed and said night night to me at about 10 minutes until 7. She was happy telling me night night. I should have known it was too good to be true.

I had to go back into her room several times to put her back in bed or to take away the toys she was playing with. There were many tears shed on her part. And then the tears stopped. I decided to peak into her room on my way to feed the dog, expecting to see her asleep in her bed. And that first picture was what I found. Well, sort of.

I poked my head into the room, saw the mattress off the bed frame and said her name. She jumped! And then said, "I in this bed," with a smile on her face. She was proud of herself. And of course I had to go get my camera to record it. Probably a big parenting mistake...but oh well.

I fixed the bed. And she refused to get back in it. She got in trouble. A few minutes later the mattress was off the frame again. She got in trouble again. She refused to get back in bed. I told her that she could get in bed or I would put her in bed. She said "no five!" I told her that if she doesn't want me to count to five, she must get in bed. She wouldn't go. So I counted to five and when she still wouldn't move, I picked her up and put her in her bed. She was crying very hard about this. I tucked her in, gave her a kiss, told her to stay in her bed and walked out of the room.

I heard her get out of her bed, and when her crying became more muffled, I knew she was under her bed. I decided to wait a few minutes to see what happened. Her crying very quickly turned into her "I'm going to sleep momentarily" cry, and then there was silence. I waited about 10 minutes and went into her room to look and see if I thought she would be safe sleeping under the bed for the night. This is what I found.

I decided that she is perfectly OK to stay right there tonight.

And I will share baby blessing pictures with you tomorrow.