I found out the other day that one of my friends is having twins. My first thought was that I am so happy for her. How exciting! Also scary to have TWO babies to take care of when just one is so much work. But exciting more than anything.
That thought was almost immediately followed by silent tears.
What is this?
I have said for quite some time that I am grateful there is only one of Jacob. I don't think there is any way I could have handled twins. And yet, I am crying because I don't have twins...because the baby who would have been Jacob's twin is already in heaven and I don't get to ever feel that sweet little one in my arms on this earth.
Apparently my head and my heart are still having a disconnect. I wonder if that will always be the way it is? I'm beginning to think so. That there will be times when I am surprised by that grief again. Just when I thought everything was fine.
That thought was almost immediately followed by silent tears.
What is this?
I have said for quite some time that I am grateful there is only one of Jacob. I don't think there is any way I could have handled twins. And yet, I am crying because I don't have twins...because the baby who would have been Jacob's twin is already in heaven and I don't get to ever feel that sweet little one in my arms on this earth.
Apparently my head and my heart are still having a disconnect. I wonder if that will always be the way it is? I'm beginning to think so. That there will be times when I am surprised by that grief again. Just when I thought everything was fine.
1 comments:
I think you'll always have the sense of "what if" and sadness. I'm so sorry about your loss and had no idea.
Marisa
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