Higher and Higher

Samantha's current joy of life is swinging.
She regularly tells me, "Mommy, I want to swing higher and higher!"

Then she laughs joyously and says "Wheee!" as she flies through the air.
She says. "Mommy, Look at me! I'm swinging higher and higher!"

"Yes, baby, you are. I'm glad you enjoy it."

She shares her joy with her brother, telling me, "Mommy, J-bub wants to swing higher and higher, too." And she is right, he does love swinging, also. So I do what she asks and push him in his swing. Then she takes a turn pushing him as well.

I need to remember to keep watching this child and learning from her. Right now she reminds me to pursue simple things that bring us joy. To share joy with others. And to take the time to notice and be grateful for all the things, little and big, that God has placed around me. And to be grateful in all things.

Thank you, God, for this life, for this child and this lesson.

Not Me - Helping

In the last week there are several things that I certainly DID NOT do...or would not admit to doing...unless I were asked point blank. For example, I did not allow the 2 year old to watch a movie just so I could get the floor mopped with out her "assistance." No way, I would welcome a chance for extra time with my daughter...especially if it meant she would be learning about things that need doing in the house. And it would not matter in the least that the job would take twice as long as usual. I would certainly not be satisfied with her only helping to sweep and empty the dustpan (with most of the dirt falling right back onto the floor, I might add.)

And along those lines, I certainly do not secretly dread hearing the toddler sweetly say "Mommy may I help?" as I am washing dishes or cooking. And I would not be secretly glad when I could say, "I'm sorry sweetie, I just finished." No way! I am the type of mom who always wants to encourage her children to be helpers...no matter how long it takes!

I would not ignore my children playing in their room together as I hear the 2 year old telling the baby. "No no J-bub! You need to lay down! You are in time out!" No, I would most certainly go check on them, even if there were no tears involved from the baby. After all, I am a caring, concerned mom. And I might not intervene, but I would certainly survey the situation.

And finally, I do not think that I am learning what mastitis feels like. No way...that would not happen for the first time when my second child is almost 10 months old. (this one is me being in total denial, and hoping that the hot washcloth and ibuprofen fix it.)

Adrenaline Rush

Because, while carrying my baby and leading my toddler yesterday afternoon, I came within two steps of stepping this, as it lay curled up on the ground near the birdfeeder.

All three of the pictures in this post are after Brent killed it.


This is the first snake of any kind that we have seen since moving to the country, and of course it would be a rattler. The good news is that Samantha has now seen a snake in real life, so she definitely knows what they look like now.

The bad news is that I barely saw it and kept from stepping on it. So how can I be sure that my daughter will be able to see them and stay away from them if we have any more?

My first thought after finding the snake was that Samantha will not be allowed to go outside without me any more. Then I continued thinking, and realized that even if I am walking with her, I cannot protect her from stepping on snakes. The only way I could do that is to carry her everywhere when we are outside. And that is NOT going to happen! So, in discussing it with Brent, we decided that we will just continue letting her outside as we have been doing so far. (Although we did have a talk with her about needing to be careful to watch where she walks.)

It hurts my heart to know that I cannot keep my baby girl safe. I know that this is only the first of many times that I will feel this way...we have SOO much more living and learning and letting go to do.

Five on Friday

Things I miss living in the country:
5. Knowing that there will not be any deer eating my flowers.
4. Having neighbors within walking distance.
3. Being able to run to the store very quickly.
2. Not having to think about SCORPIONS!
1. Delivery! (as in food that is already made for you)

Things I love about living in the country
5. Seeing deer, rabbits, roadrunners, etc in our yard every day.
4. No police, fire, or ambulance sirens going off constantly and making my daughter cry!
3. Having a yard the size of a park with many swings, a sandbox and pool, a slide, and PLENTY of room to roam.
2. Being able to take a walk and not having to make Samantha stay right next to me.
1. Living so close to TWO households of family members :)

Pretty

Samantha loves to play dress up. So when I was looking for something in the storage building and saw the box that had dress up clothes in it, I decided to bring it home for her to play with. She was so excited! She put on the "ballerina dress" (everything that has a skirt or ruffles is a ballerina or princess dress, by the way) and the purple shoes and told me, "Look Mommy! I'm pretty!"

I told her "Yes, honey, you are. But you are always pretty. It doesn't matter what you are wearing." (I will start working on talking about being pretty by what is on the inside by being sweet and kind to others and obeying God before too much longer, but I haven't done that yet, so that didn't enter into the conversation.) But Samantha just kept telling me, "I have a ballerina dress, I'm pretty!"

It makes me sad that she has already absorbed this world lesson that she is pretty as a result of what she is wearing. I have no idea where she got it from. I hope that I am not the one who taught it to her, but I am afraid that I probably am. After all, where else would she have gotten it? I guess the good part of knowing this is that I also know to frequently reinforce the idea that she is pretty as a result of her actions and who she is, rather than what she wears.

Rainbow

Yesterday evening, Uncle Charles knocked on our door and told us that if we hurried, we could see a rainbow. We rushed outside, well...moved as fast as I was able to move carrying both a baby and his big sister who has JUST woken up from her nap moments before, and saw this.
Samantha was SOOO excited to see a "weally weally big rainbow" (the first she has ever seen) and just wanted to stay and watch it. She even pointed it out as it moved across the sky with the clouds.

You can see how sad she was as the rainbow began to disappear after just a short time in our sight.

But, as she was being sad, she saw a big stick. And that gave her an idea. She told me, "I will catch the rainbow with a big stick, then it can't go away."

She picked the stick up and held it out to the sky. I asked her if it was going to work and she told me no, the stick wasn't big enough. But at least she was still smiling :)

Belonging

Samantha and I have been singing "Shoo Fly" lately. She loves that song and asks to sing it over and over and over. Part of the song says "For I belong to somebody."

That makes me a little sad sometimes when I think about it, because I don't really feel like that is true for me right now.

I find myself missing Dallas lately. Well, not really missing Dallas so much as missing my friends. For nearly 10 years, I saw these people at least once a week. I watched their children. They came to my home and I went to theirs. We saw each other through joy and sorrow, laughter and mourning. We held tightly to one another and cried as we couldn't make sense of the world. We knew when a hug meant more than words. When words were needed, we were usually able to find the right words to say. I could always count on someone being able to look at me and know when things weren't right, then help me feel better. We belonged to each other.

Now, since we don't have any neighbors within walking distance, and there is nowhere in town to go to hang out and meet people since the pool is closed for this year, it is definitely a challenge to meet people. But we have met a few and have started getting to know a few people.

It is slow going, but it is happening. I have started making some new friends and there is at least one person that I can count on being able to spend time with each week. But even the new friendships are just that. New.

Please don't get me wrong. We have met some wonderful people in our new town. There are quite a few people who go out of their way to include us. And I am so grateful for that.

But right now, we don't have any history. We can't look at each other and know that the other is having a bad day even when the other is trying to hide it. We haven't laughed and cried, mourned and rejoiced with one another. We don't know how to help things get better when something is wrong.

We will get there someday, but for right now, I miss the sense of belonging that I had with my friends in Dallas. I want to belong to somebody again.