The Last Time

Several years ago, I read an article in a scrapbook magazine ( I think it was Creating Keepsakes, but I'm not certain)that talked about the last times. It said that we always celebrate and document all the "firsts"...the first bath, the first word, the first step, but that the "lasts" slip by without our ever noticing. And that the lasts mean just as much as the firsts. I don't remember what all else the article said, but I do remember that it made me cry and it made me say that I would definitely watch for the lasts.

The firsts are what we are looking forward to our child growing into. The lasts are what we look back on and miss as they grow. And I've been thinking about it more lately. Especially since last night Samantha said "Hold me, Mommy" not "hold you." It was the first time for the grown up "hold me" to come out of her mouth. And I don't know when the last cute babyish "hold you" was. I thought I was watching for it, but it still passed me by.

I know when the last time she had a bottle was, but only because the next day I was gone the whole day and Brent said that she did fine with only a cup before bed. I have no idea when the last time she crawled was. I have no idea when the last time that I fed her meal to her was. And I thought I was watching all along.

The more I think, I realize this isn't jut about my kids, but about my entire life. I may remember the firsts, but again, when were the lasts? When was the last time I stayed up way too late talking to my friend before we moved to separate towns and completely lost touch with each other? When was the last time I watched my friend's baby smile at me before tragedy struck? When was the last time I hung out with my friend before cancer stole her life? And there are so many more that I can't even begin to name them all.

You never know when it will be the last. Even when you think you are watching for it, there is no way to know that this time was the last. Maybe that's the way it should be though. If I never know if this will be the last time...maybe I will remember to enjoy and even celebrate every time.