Feeling Guilty

We were having a rough night last night. It was definitely bedtime, and Samantha was fighting it. Fighting so hard that she kept walking out of her room while we were reading her stories and she would not come to me when I told her to do so. Over and over and over. I would go get her and turn her around, bring her back into her room, then she would do it again, and still would not come back when I told her to do so. So after many redirections, she got her first spanking. One swat on the back of her legs. You would have thought that the world was ending the way she cried about it.

A couple of weeks ago, Brent and I talked about the fact that she would probably find out what a spanking is before too much longer. She is so strong willed and independent, we could definitely see it coming. But now I feel guilty.

Why? I have no idea. I spanked Benjamin and Hannah when they were little and never felt guilty about it. I don't think they were quite so young, so maybe that has something to do with it. Or maybe it is because I have refused to admit that she is no longer a baby, and you just don't spank babies.

In my wishful thinking, I hope that this will be the end of it. At least for a good long while. But my child is very strong willed and I have a sinking feeling that this is just the beginning. I hope that we are ready to be tested as parents because here it comes.