Not me - packing edition

This week has been crazy, trying to get packed and ready for putting the house on the market and moving. But in spite of that craziness, there are some things that I just would not do.

For example, there is no way I would stand on the end table in Samantha's room to reach something on a shelf so that I could fill up one more box during my lunch hour. And there is no way said table would immediately collapse under me as it broke, throwing me into the wall then onto the floor, leaving the entire right side of my body with gigantic, sore bruises. Like I said...no way. I am much smarter and more graceful than that.

And there is no way I would tell my husband that I was craving pizza, then allow him to convince me to go eat pizza for dinner, even though I know dairy causes reflux problems for Jacob.

And there is certainly no way that I would concentrate so much on packing that it is 7:20 before we bring Samantha in from the backyard to eat dinner.

Yes, it has been crazy this week, but it will get better :)

Pinic

We had a picnic in the driveway for our lunch yesterday. I thought I would share with you :)

Yes, she is still in her pajamas. At lunchtime. What can I say? Brent and I were hard at work packing and somehow it got to be 11am and she was still in her PJs. So she had a picnic in her PJs. (Ok, so I must admit that the aliteration was not intentional, but now that it is there, doesn't it sound fun?)

Even Jacob enjoyed our picnic time.

See how cutely he smiles? :)

And of course. Samantha wanted me to take her picture again after I took Jacob's. So you get to see the peanut butter all over her face. It's ok, she doesn't mind ;)

Aren't my kids adorable?!

What does this face say to you?

Today, it says to me...watch out world, especially Mommy and Daddy, I have a will of steel and I'm not afraid to use it.

Tonight, the will of steel was used after she decided that she is NOT tired and WILL NOT go night night. Of course this was after all the begging and pleading of "Want night night in MommyDaddy bed" and "Don't want night night" was used up.

She refused to give kisses before going into her room. We said, OK, but it is still time to go night night. So then she suddenly decided to give kisses after all. Things seemed to easy at that point, we should have been suspicious. She went into her bed without any fussing. But within 10 minutes we heard her standing at the gate.

Then we heard, "Mommy read me." I told her that we will read tomorrow, go to bed now. She got back in bed.

Next was "Daddy! Need potty!" He told her that she should only say she has to go potty if she really does beacuse otherwise it is lying...not telling the truth...and that makes Mommy and Daddy and God sad and disappointed if she doesn't tell the truth. She still said she needed to go so he took her...and she did not go. He repeated what he said a little before then about truth and lying. We aren't sure that she is really capable of understanding the difference between truth and lying yet, but we are trying to help her understand that. Then she got back into bed.

Next, she came to the gate and told me, "Me have bad dream." I told her that she didn't because she has to have gone to sleep to have had a dream and that she needed to get back in bed. She got back in.

Then I heard "need potty again" She got the same speech as before. This time she did go...a tiny bit, but she did go. She got back in bed.

A few minutes later, she stood at the gate crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Police help body." I told her that I heard the sirens, too and yes the police or the firemen were going to help somebody, but now the sirens were stopped. She got back in bed.

Next she came to the gate asking for juice. I told her no, that she can have some in the morning. She got back in bed.

Then she came to the gate again saying that she doesn't want to go night night. I told her to get back in bed or she will get a spanking. She said no. I said I will count to 5 and if you aren't in bed, you will get a spanking. She said "Don't want spanking." I told her to get in bed then. She said no. She still absolutely refused to do as she was told. She got a spanking and cried as I put her back in her bed. She refused to let me snuggle her. I told her that I am sad that she chose to disobey and I still love her, even when she disobeys and is angry with me.

A few minutes later, I went back in while she was still crying and she let me hug her and she snuggled into my shoulder. I told her that I love her and I want her to obey Mommy and Daddy so she doesn't get into trouble and so that she learns to do what is right. She stopped crying and gave me a kiss. She stayed in her bed this time.

I don't think she is asleep yet, I still hear her rustling around in her bed, but she hasn't gotten back out of bed, at least not yet. But it is after 9pm and my daughter is still awake. And there is no sleeping in tomorrow because it is Sunday. If she is going to choose a night to do this, I wish it would be Friday...then she could at least sleep later in the morning. Oh, well, hopefully she will take a good nap tomorrow.

But as far as her parents go...what on earth are we going to do with this will of steel? How do we mold her without breaking her spirit? Ugh. This. Is. Hard.

What you've all been looking for

I realized, last night, that I haven't been posting pics of the kids this week...so for your grandma, grandpa, memaw, auntie and uncle and anyone else who is craving pics of my kids fix...here ya go:

Samantha loves to play with her beads. And it's even better when Daddy plays along.

An artist hard at work on her favorite activity...coloring outside.

Yes, she did start out on her bed for this nap...but somehow everything ended up off her bed and she ended up half under the bed.

So she is NOT supposed to be climbing into the baby doll bed, but I still couldn't resist taking a picture...and as soon as I did, I told her not to do this again...hopefully I didn't encourage it by taking the picture!

I realize that there are NO pictures of Jacob...I looked and the last pics Ihave of him are the ones that I posted for his 4 month pictures. Oops! I promise to do better! I will work on getting some pics of him today...but for now...I'm off to pack somemore while the kids are still sleeping.

More About the Move

So you already know that we are moving. But what you don't know is that we are moving to a little bitty town in central Texas. Seriously. Little. Bitty. As in 3300 people little bitty. Yep. No middle ground for us. We go from the gigantic metroplex to little bitty. Kinda like we went from our teeny tiny, below the growth chart first child to our I can't believe how big he is, top of the growth chart second child. Like I said...no middle ground for this family.


So anyway, I'm a little nervous about this. Ok, I admit it, I'm a lot nervous. I mean seriously...Walmart is 45 minutes away! I have to become much more of a planner. There will be no last minute trips to the store because it is almost bedtime and we forgot to get more milk. And no running to get medicine for the kids when they get sick in the middle of the night. We have to make sure we always have things on hand.

The other day, I asked Brent if he thinks there will be anyone our age for us to become friends with. I know, I know...silly question...there are after all 3300 people...of course there are people our age.

But I do wonder if there is anyone our age with young children like ours. After all, even here in the metroplex, nearly everyone we know with children the same age as ours are nearly a decade younger than us. And big cities tend to have more of the older first time parent thing going on. Small towns...I guess we'll see soon enough. Can you tell I'm a little concerned about fitting in. Well, actually, not so much with fitting in as I am with making true connections.

And then, when I was already thinking along these lines, someone, who shall remain nameless so as to not be yelled at by his family ;) asked me if I am worried about having my own identity. Because the Grelle family has been in this small town for so long and they are well known there. I answered, no. We are a different age than the rest of the family and we will get to know people closer to our age. We will meet people at church. We will get to know people and will be known as ourselves. So no, I am not worried.

But then I started thinking...I've never lived in a small town before. And a niggling seed of doubt crept in. Thanks a lot nameless one ;) Is that really how it works? Will I be given the chance to be my own person? Or will I be only known as being part of a group?

Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE being part of this family, and I am proud to be known as one of them. But I also want people to get to know me and like me...or even to dislike me on my own merit rather than on the basis of who my family is. Does that make any sense at all? I am who I am...and that is how I want to be known. That will be possible, won't it?

It's All About the Timing

Do you remember this post? It was nearly 2 years ago, and we were disappointed that a job we were sure Brent was about to get didn't happen.

In the middle of May that year, Samantha's first babysitter had to go back to work and we had to start looking for a new babysitter. We looked at me staying home and giving up the hope of another baby, but when we re-evaluated our budget, we realized that with the perpetual salary freeze at Brent's job, and prices of everything going sky-high, we could not make it on only Brent's salary. So he started job hunting.

He called a company in the town where his parents live and spoke to the general manager. The GM did not currently have any openings, but he was excited to hear from Brent. He has been considering creating a new position and thought that Brent would be just perfect for it. He just had to run it by the owner of the company and said that he would call back after the owner was back from vacation.

We were certain that this would happen. Brent's mom and sister started looking for houses for us one weekend. For that matter, Brent and I started looking as well. We just looked on the internet rather than in person. We were so excited about the possibility. No, actually, we didn't think it was a possibility...we were certain this was going to happen.

Then a few weeks later, we heard back. The owner said no. We were so incredibly disappointed. And we went on with our search for childcare for Samantha. She stayed with Lezley for a little while, then she stayed with our next door neighbor for most of the summer (until they moved away from us!) And then we found Mrs Nancy. And Samantha has been with her since August 2008...nearly 2 years. And Samantha loves Mrs. Nancy, and she loves her friends.

I kept on working, and since I was still working, we decided that we would go ahead and do the whole in vitro process again. We did still have the insurance to cover it (since it was through my job) and we really didn't want Samantha to grow up without at least one sibling. So in November 2008, I started seeing my RE again.

In March I did all the medications, egg harvesting, and embryo transfer. On April 10, 2009, Good Friday, we told Brent's family that we were having another baby. We told my family the next day. And Jacob was born on December 11, 2009.

Then at the beginning of this month, Brent woke me up, at 5am, by saying, "Christy, DB (the GM's initials) emailed me and wants me to call him." It is amazing how quickly, mere seconds is all it took, that we got our hopes up again. Brent called after work that afternoon and they set up an interview for 4/16/10.

Could it really happen this time? We were excited, yet still somewhat cautious. I was able to clear my schedule for that afternoon so we all left on Thursday evening to go spend the weekend with Brent's parents. The interview was at 9am. We (Mom, Dad and I) still hadn't heard from Brent at 11am, and we were saying things like "Surely it is good news that it is taking so long." We really wanted to hear, though!!

And Brent was offered the job. And it is just a little over the amount we had to have in order for me to stay home. And we are so grateful. I will get to stay home with my babies!

I realized the other day that if Brent had gotten this job 2 years ago, there would be no Jacob, because there is no infertility coverage in the new insurance. It's all about the timing. It is perfect.

And a little more of perfect timing. Brent's insurance ends on his last day of employment. Which is this Friday, April 30. My job only adds new coverage on the first of the month. So by getting everything turned in this week, we are able to transition the kids insurance coverage to begin May 1. That's right...there is NO GAP in their coverage at all.

Then, my insurance ends on the last day of the month in which I have worked any days. My last day of work is June 3, so we have coverage until June 30. And Brent's new insurance begins on July 1. Once again, there is NOT A SINGLE DAY of no insurance coverage. What incredible, perfect timing.

Learning to Wait

This is from a scrapbook page that I wrote in early 2006.

For as long as I can remember, I have known that I should be a mom someday. My picture of the future has always included a husband and children.

After college, it started to seem that my dream would never come true. I went for several years without even one date. That was a very hard time, at least in the beginning. However, those years were invaluable to me. It was during this time that I learned to grow as a person on my own. I found a way to serve God and be part of His family where I was and how I was. It wasn’t until after I was completely comfortable with this role that Brent and I started dating. When I wasn’t even looking for anything or anyone, God sent Brent to me.

After we had been married for about a year and a half, we decided to start trying to expand our family to include children. Remember, I had always wanted to be a mom, but after Benjamin stayed with us for the first time, I started telling people that I had found the job that I was created to be, and that was to be a mom. It has been nearly four years since we decided to try to have a baby. It has been a huge struggle to see, month after month, and year after year, that my prayers are not being answered. At least not in the way I wish them to be. It is also a struggle to not be jealous when I see so many people around me welcoming precious new babies into the word, but, somehow, I have still been able to rejoice with each one of them.

I thought that I had come to an acceptance of the possibility of never having children. After I had surgery in October 2005, though, I got my hopes very high very quickly, especially when so many people told me of their experiences and getting pregnant the month after surgery. My doctor is not so optimistic and does not think that I will get pregnant unless we do in vitro. Now I am facing the possibility of my never being a mother. Can I handle this if it is God’s answer? It is very hard for me to accept that thought. What I need to remember is that God can and will use me wherever I am, and that I need to be able to say that where I am is enough as long as He is with me. I’m not there yet. I can accept that I may never have children, but I can’t say that is enough for me. It still feels like there is something missing.

In trying to comfort me on Christmas day, when I had just found out that I was not pregnant, again, someone told me that even if I don’t have children of my own, I will always have children around me. That did not help at all at the time. Since then, however, I have found myself thinking about that statement more. Maybe she was right. I do have the blessing of nephews and nieces and my friends’ children in my life. I have to decide to work with and be thankful for what I do have rather than wishing for what I don’t have. I have to allow God to be ENOUGH to fill me completely and then I will be complete. Then I will have learned how to wait on the Lord.


Some things have changed since this was written, but I still need the reminder to allow God to fill me and to wait on Him.