Better

I talked to my mom last night and she had just read my blog for the first time in a few weeks. She laughed a little about my whining a few posts back, but then told me that is only because she knows me so well. She said that some of the rest of you might be a bit worried about me. Looking back at it, I don't think it is anything to worry about, but I trust my mom's instincts, at least most of the time. So just in case she is right and you are worried...you don't have to be.

When I wrote that, I was completely exhausted from Samantha getting up at least 2-3 times each night because she was having so much trouble with her allergies. And I was having one of the worst weeks ever at work. I even had a parent blaming me for her impending divorce and that her son's problems (which he has had for over 10 years) were not fixed since he has been on probation for 6 months. She stood in the hallway outside of court and lectured me on all of this for 30-45 minutes. And that was just part of the work stuff that week.

So, even though the sentiment of wanting to stay home is absolutely true, I am not in a crisis. I am not about to go crazy. And I deal with the issues of being a mom who works outside the home as they come. And I am having a much better week this week.

Fall Flowers

Here's a glimpse of what is growing in my garden this fall.

Morning glories

spider lilies



zinnias

I don't know the name of these red flowers that grow from a bulb. If you know it, please let me know!

fairy lilies (also called miniature amarylis)

Whine alert

If the title wasn't enough, this is your final warning. If you don't like whining, don't read any further.

I am tired.

I'm tired of saying goodbye to my baby every morning. I'm tired of not knowing what she ate for the day until I look to see what the babysitter wrote down. I'm tired of having to look back over the week each Saturday to see what her schedule should be like for the weekend. I'm tired of having to make choices in the evenings of doing laundry and dishes or spending a little time with my daughter between her dinner and her bedtime. I'm tired of choosing between housework and sleep. I'm tired of feeling guilty on the rare occasions that I take a nap on the weekend because I should be doing housework while the baby sleeps. I'm tired of wondering if I am going to miss seeing the first time she crawls or pulls up on the furniture.
I never planned to go back to work after having a baby. Brent didn't want me to go back to work. We both want me to be home with Samantha, but life isn't working out that way...and I hate it. I have no idea how so many women do this and have everything all together. I feel like I am slowly being sapped of everything. I don't give enough to my job because I don't have the energy and I don't want to be here. I don't give enough at home because I am exhausted and there is so much to do that I am just completely overwhelmed. I'm tired of trying to keep up a good face on everything. I'm tired of blowing little things out of proportion because I just can't handle another thing.

I am tired.

8 months

It is that time again...time to reflect on one more month with our sweet baby girl. We are so grateful for the opportunity to be her parents and to get to love on her every day. The pictures are ones that I actually managed to take today, on the right day of the month for once!

This month she has gotten her first two teeth, she giggles and belly laughs almost as much as she smiles, she has learned to roll all the way across the room doing a log roll, she is getting close to learning to crawl, she is able to sit up pretty much as long as she wants, provided we put her in a sitting position, because she can't get up on her own yet, and she tries VERY hard to feed herself. But so far, the only things she manages to feed to herself are wagon wheels and biter biscuits. She still loves all of her veggies, and she is tolerating fruit. She just started meats last week and she loved the chicken and sweet potatos. The ham, pineapple and rice...not so much. We'll see what happens with other meats as we add them.

Her bedtime is 7pm, she wakes up between 6:30 and 7am, and she usually takes a morning nap for 45min to an hour and an afternoon nap for 2-2.5 hours. She wears size 3-6 month in PJs (and those are getting close to being too short) but most of her other clothes are still 0-3 month. She is so skinny! She weighs about 13.5 lbs. My friend Angie's 6 week old baby is the same size as my 8 month old!

Her hair has started growing a little more, but mostly on the top of her head. Brent calls her mohawk baby. I say that she doesn't have a mohawk yet, but that she looks like a kewpie dolll right now. I told my friend Jennifer that she looks like a kewpie doll and Jennifer asked what that is. I found a picture of one on the internet and showed Jennifer. The she told me that I'm right, that is what Samantha looks like right now. We still aren't sure what color hair Samantha will have. She still has most of her newborn hair, which is definitely brown, but the hair underneath appears blond. I guess we will just have to wait and see. Her eyes are still very blue, so we have started thinking that they will probably stay blue.

It has been a great month and we are so happy to be celebrating one more month with our sweet Samantha!

On the Road Again

That is our permanent motto since both Brent's family and my family live at least several hours from us. Since we had a three day weekend for Labor Day, we decided to travel to San Angelo. This was a 4.5 hour trip before we had the baby, so it is really long now. Samantha does great in the car, for a while, but 3 hours is about her limit unless she is sleeping. Unfortunately, she was not sleeping much on the way home yesterday. She got very grouchy about 10 minutes before we got to Weatherford, so we took a 30 minute break there and fed the baby and walked the dog. Then got back in the car for the remaining 1.5 hours of the trip. Thankfully, Samantha fell asleep not too long after we got back in the car, so we didn't have to listen to a screaming baby in a small, enclosed space.

We had a great time in San Angelo. We got to hang out with my family, see my friend Karyn and see the house that my sister and her fiancee are buying. The only bad part of the whole weekend was having to leave. It seemed like we had just gotten there when it was time to go.


This is the oldest member of my family, and the youngest...my grandpa and my baby.










And here is my grandma with Samantha.









On Sunday afternoon, Benjamin, Samantha and I went to see my friend Karyn and her family. This was the first time that Samantha met her "Aunt Karyn" and was the first time that I have seen Adena in a year. I'm so glad that we got to spend some time together. Samantha had a great time rolling around the floor and Benjamin had a great time taking pictures. Adena loved playing pat-a-cake and tickling Samantha.


And this is a picture (that Benjamin took) of Karyn's 6.5 month pregnant belly. She hardly even looks 4 months, but her 2nd baby girl is due in November. (And I can just imagine what she will have to say to me about posting this picture! Hehehe...)

Now we just have to figure out when we will get to go back again!