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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Loneliness

I just have to say...I miss my husband. I miss his help with the kids when I am giving Samantha a shower. I miss having someone else whose arms Jacob is happy in. I miss having someone to talk to every evening. I miss a daily hug. I miss a kiss goodbye each day. I miss the kids lighting up when he comes in the door. I miss hearing him read the Bible as we get the kids ready for bed. I am ready for him to come home!

Brent has been in training in Houston this week, he left on Monday and won't be home until tomorrow. I didn't realize before just how much I depend on his company until he has been gone. I often complain that he doesn't talk to me enough in the evening, but apparently he does talk more than I realized, because I have been very lonely this week. I need to pay more attention and give him more credit.

It seems like his being gone has made me homesick. (Yes for Dallas, can you believe I'm actually saying that?!) Because in Dallas, I have many options of things to do. Parks galore, two that are within walking distance, libraries that are open in the morning and have toddler friendly story time. Stores and activities galore. Things that are within 10 minutes of my house and so therefore don't require a ton of planning, like doing anything here does. Things that can quite easily distract me, at least for a little while, from my loneliness.

And in Dallas, I know many people. And there are quite a few stay at home moms that I could be spending time with (of course, if I was still in Dallas, I would not be a stay at home, but that's beside the point right now) And even if I wasn't spending time with my friends during the day, I could see people for a little while in the early evening. And most of those people know me well enough that they would be able to tell, just by seeing me, that I am feeling down about something. Because they have known me for so long and we have been through so much. And they know how to cheer me up. And they give me lots of hugs. I don't get many hugs here, yet. I don't know many people here yet.

I am ready to be settled and for this place to really feel like home. I am ready to have real relationships with people. I am ready to see other people every day rather than once or twice a week. I am tired of being lonely. I know, it just takes time. But sometimes I am not at all a patient person. And this is one of those times.

And I am ready for my husband to be home and for a large chunk of this loneliness to be gone. I miss him. And I am grateful that he doesn't have to travel all the time. And just maybe, the next time he does, we will go with him. Or maybe I will go visit someone myself.

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