Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Whine alert

If the title wasn't enough, this is your final warning. If you don't like whining, don't read any further.

I am tired.

I'm tired of saying goodbye to my baby every morning. I'm tired of not knowing what she ate for the day until I look to see what the babysitter wrote down. I'm tired of having to look back over the week each Saturday to see what her schedule should be like for the weekend. I'm tired of having to make choices in the evenings of doing laundry and dishes or spending a little time with my daughter between her dinner and her bedtime. I'm tired of choosing between housework and sleep. I'm tired of feeling guilty on the rare occasions that I take a nap on the weekend because I should be doing housework while the baby sleeps. I'm tired of wondering if I am going to miss seeing the first time she crawls or pulls up on the furniture.
I never planned to go back to work after having a baby. Brent didn't want me to go back to work. We both want me to be home with Samantha, but life isn't working out that way...and I hate it. I have no idea how so many women do this and have everything all together. I feel like I am slowly being sapped of everything. I don't give enough to my job because I don't have the energy and I don't want to be here. I don't give enough at home because I am exhausted and there is so much to do that I am just completely overwhelmed. I'm tired of trying to keep up a good face on everything. I'm tired of blowing little things out of proportion because I just can't handle another thing.

I am tired.